To prevent from social exclusion it is necessary to seek for confirmation. Without approval of our actions in the world and communicating with our fellow human beings we would not be able to live together. So social adjustment is important.
But it can happen that critics of others occur in masses reducing your self-esteem and it could cause depression.
The reason: Greed for love and credit, Fear of others, bad social adjustment.
- Bad social adjustment:
If you in general are very lonely, only have a very few friends then it might be necessary to quality proof your strategies for social adjustment.
- Greed for love and credit:
You might already have poor self-esteem and therefore seeking confirmation, credit and affection everywhere. Every critics is again reducing your already poor self-esteem. And others with the same problem not able to increase their own value try to reduce yours.
- Fear of others:
Others may fear your power, your authenticity, your charisma. In such cases it also can happen that you are criticized a lot.
The solution: Appreciate every constructive critics and discard the rest.
There are two ways to deal with different kind of critics:
- Every critic is a chance to learn. Critics are donations to you to help you in your personal development. But these must be constructive. You might have a number of friends (more likely less than five) who you fully respect or at least consider being constructive and honest real friends. There can also be family members playing such a role for you. Critics coming from those should be considered with a higher priority and you should deal with it.
- To deal with critics is work for you, because you have to deal with the problem - analyze, think of other strategies, review. And the big problem is that there are spammers here. And be careful with social hostility. Getting completely negated by others can drastically reduce self-esteem although you do not need to consider those people (or let's say their critics). People, continuously offending you and telling you that you are wrong on any little opportunity should be considered as spammer and hence they can be ignored.
If they breath down your neck then just tell them what they want to hear (for instance that you are terrible sorry) - give sugar to the ape and just let it go. This is probably the most easy way to get rid of them. They are not part of you - you do not need to be honest and sincere. Although in general you should like to be a honest and authentic person, there are brick-walls where you need to search for new methods.
For those who fear your power you can deal with them the same way as you deal with spammers, but you can see it as a confirmation for you!
Related posts: Who cares?, All Done status, When to criticize, The family, Primary motivator.